Reflecting on 2 Months with 2 Kids

As of this past Sunday, I’ve been a parent of two kids now for two months. Count me an expert!

It’s amazing both how long and how short that time has felt. So much has happened since Nolan was born that it’s hard to believe it’s only been two months. But on the other hand, it still kind of feels like yesterday that we were in the hospital with Aiden (our oldest), and that was almost 2 years ago! So it feels kind of crazy that he’s already a “seasoned” big brother.

I wanted to take this chance to reflect a little bit on what it’s been like adapting to having two kids. A lot of it has been pretty awesome, but some of it has been hard and I thought it might be helpful to share a little bit of both sides.

For me, it’s always helpful to hear about the experiences of other parents, so I hope we can use this as an opportunity to all learn from each other.

Awesome: Watching Aiden and Nolan interact

My parents always said that the one thing they wanted above all else was to make sure that me and my brothers had a strong relationship. They wanted us to love and support each other and create friendships that would last a lifetime.

Now that I’m a parent myself, and especially now that I’ve got two little guys, this is something I’ve really taken to heart. Which is why it’s so incredibly heartwarming to watch the genuine and loving way in which Aiden and Nolan interact.

I have to say, I kind of burst with pride when I think about the way Aiden has handled this whole thing. From Day 1 there has only been love. Never a hint of resentment or a trace of meanness. He constantly interrupts what he’s doing, unprompted, to come and give Nolan hugs and kisses. He watches Nolan wriggle around and make baby noises with joyful curiosity and constant laughing. He helps change Nolan’s diaper. When Nolan’s upset, Aiden genuinely cares. Not in a “make this baby stop crying!” way, but in a “Nolan’s in pain, how can I help?” way. He gets the pacifier. He tries to snuggle him and stroke his head. All the things he knows we do for him and he watches us do for Nolan, he tries to do for Nolan as well. It’s unbelievably sweet.

And on the other end, Nolan is just getting to the point where he’s more aware of the things happening around him. He’s also started laughing and smiling when he likes something, which is AWESOME!!! And of course the person who makes him laugh the most is Aiden.

One of my favorite parts of the day is a little ritual we have in the morning after I get Aiden up and take him into our bedroom to see Casey and Nolan. We might watch a couple of cartoons, but the best part is when we get to look out the window and watch all the school buses passing by our house (Boston has a lot of schools!). This is pretty much Aiden’s favorite thing in the world, and he shouts “baa goo!! (his version of “school bus”) every time we see one. Not only is this endlessly entertaining to do with Aiden, but Nolan has started joining in the routine by lying on the bed watching Aiden and just cracking up the entire time. Watching the two of them do their thing is just awesome.

This is one of the things I was most excited for when I thought about having multiple kids, and I just feel lucky that it’s been so positive and fun so far. It’s going to be a thrill to see how their relationship grows as Nolan starts interacting more and more.

Hard: Not feeling comfortable enough to truly enjoy the time with them

The thing I struggle with the most is getting past the feeling of stress from having to care for two kids so that I can truly enjoy the time I have with them. This is particularly the case when it’s just me, which happens every Saturday when Casey works, as well as short bursts at night while Casey is making dinner. (I’m spoiled that way. I think I would starve if she wasn’t around.)

The trouble I have is that my mind is constantly thinking ahead and trying to anticipate the things that they’re each soon going to need. This isn’t entirely unreasonable, as there are constantly diapers to change, milk to get, crying to solace, toys to play with, naps to consider, places to go, things to pack, etc., etc., etc. It’s just the reality of having kids.

But with my mind always trying to think ahead, I’m finding it hard to actually enjoy the time I have with them. I don’t yet feel comfortable enough with what I’m doing to just relax and fully appreciate the moments we have together, and that really bothers me. I know these moments are fleeting and I hate feeling like I’m wasting them by stressing myself out.

The way I look at it, this is something that should get better with experience. I remember feeling this way when Aiden was a newborn as well, and I think it’s just part of the process of adapting to a new situation. I just hope I can get better at it sooner rather than later.

Awesome: Any time I get to hold both of them at the same time

This is another one of the things I was really looking forward to, and it hasn’t disappointed.

It isn’t all that frequent, but some of my favorite moments are those where I get to read a book with both of them in my arms. Nolan’s cradled in one arm, Aiden in the other, and somehow I magically grow a third hand to turn the pages at the same time. It’s amazing what you can do in times of need!

Much more frequent are the moments where I’m actually carrying both of them at the same time. Some of these moments are just happy snuggling and some are the result of both kids being upset at the same time. Regardless, there’s only a short period of time I’ll be able to do this before they get too big and I really try to cherish it. My absolute favorite part of this is how Aiden throws his arm around Nolan’s shoulders. I’m not sure if it’s a loving embrace or just the only position that’s comfortable, but either way it’s fun to see.

These are my boys, and it’s a great feeling when I get to show them both my love at the same time.

Hard: The feeling that I’m ignoring one in favor of the other

Once you have two kids, the simple fact is that there are times where one needs attention and that means the other one isn’t getting it. Sometimes that’s totally fine, but sometimes I feel like I’m letting them down. The last thing in the world I want to do is communicate to one of them that their needs aren’t important to me, but there are times I feel like that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Objectively, I realize that this is just part of the deal and everyone will be fine in the end. But in the moment it can be hard and I do want to make a better effort to make sure my attention is going to the right places.

Awesome: We’re doing it together

When my wife and I picked out our wedding bands, we had them inscribed with the phrase “We’ll do it together”. We wanted that mantra to be the foundation of our marriage and our family. No matter what came our way, we’d handle it together. Always.

And that’s really what’s been so fun about these past couple of months. No matter what’s come our way, we’ve handled it together, as a family. All four of us pitching in, supporting each other, forming bonds, working to make our family a happy place to be. And that’s how we’ll continue to do it. Together.

So that’s that! It’s been a wild two months with lots of change, and I’m sure that will only continue from here on out. I can’t wait to see what comes next!

What about you? How did your family change as it grew? What were some of your favorite parts or some of the challenges?